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If I were in the questioner's situation, I would say that it might be necessary (as Jesus recommended in Matthew 18:15-17) for me to have a private discussion about this issue with the individual concerned, but that, if I did, it would also be absolutely essential for me to choose my words and tone very carefully, since the individual apparently has no idea of how I am feeling. However, even before that, I would do a thorough review of the situation just on my own (without involving the other party) in which I would try to consider ALL possibilities or explanations for why the individual acted as he/she did; whether the individual's behavior was even intentional, and (even if it was) whether it was done with malicious intent toward me, or whether my reaction might even partly be a product of my own subjective experience that the other individual would or could not have known about, and that an objective or impartial party might even possibly consider to be an unwarranted response. Then, if I would still consider a discussion with the other party to be needed, I would assure that any mitigating factors that my personal review had produced would be taken into account in that discussion.
The fact that the other party is unaware of the offense is a very common occurrence. Rarely do we intentionally hurt others. If you will think back on the times you have hurt others, it was almost always without your intent to do so. Forgiveness is primarily for the benefit of the injured party. Unforgiveness ends in bitterness and anger. It is a miserable lifestyle. So when you forgive someone you are primarily freeing yourself from the prison into which you have placed yourself. If you are confident that they are unaware of this issue, then it was obviously unintentional on their part, and you are the only affected party. You don't always need to involve them in the solution, since the only party really involved in the offense is you. Forgiveness is very clearly dealt with in the Bible. First, it says that offenses will come. They are unavoidable. It says that if you don't forgive others, God will not be able to forgive you. It says that we are to forgive essentially without limit. If you are wronged 500 times each day by the same person, you are to forgive them without restraint. This will almost certainly never happen, so Jesus is trying to point out the unlimited forgiveness that you should offer anyone offending you. There is no question that the Bible clearly states that forgiveness is an essential act of living in God's plan for your life. Learn unlimited forgiveness and you will live a much happier and fulfilled life absent of anger and bitterness. You will be living in God's plan for your life in this area.
Simple: you forgive them. If they have no clue that they've hurt you, then you can either let them know and forgive them or just forgive them. If you let that person know that they hurt you and they refuse to acknowledge it, you still must forgive them. How many times have we sinned against God knowingly and unknowingly, but yet and still he forgives us and continues to pour out his grace and mercy upon us? Forgiveness doesn't benefit the person who wronged you, it benefits you. It releases you from the hurt, the pain, the shame, or the feeling of being imprisoned by something someone has done to you. Forgiveness heals and sets you free.
In my opinion it depends on whether the offender is saved or not. If he or she is a born again Christian I would pray first then kindly and privately ask the person if they considered the possibility that their comment may have offended someone, then wait for their response. Lots of times Christians may innocently say something not realizing that some people may take offense. Then allow the Holy Spirit to do His perfect work in the person's heart. Then we have the unsaved individuals, the "enemies" of God (Phil 3:18.) Unfortunately some people are just waiting for a Christian to make a comment so they can be offended. If there is an appropriate passage of scripture that you can quote I would possibly do so but if I do I had better be prepared for them to come back with an ugly nasty comment, after all the word of God is foolishness to those who are perishing 1 Cor 1:18.
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