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What does God say about growing up in an abusive home? How does one get past this trauma?



    
    

Clarify Share Report Asked April 09 2014 Mini Steve Madden

Community answers are sorted based on votes. The higher the vote, the further up an answer is.

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Mini Johnnatta Giles Spirit Filled Christian
I grew up in an abusive home. So I know first hand that one we the abused must decide NOT to repeat what has been done to us. The Word say that we are a new creation over comers and fighters through Jesus. As children of the light we are to love those who have harmed us, who hate us and who persecute us. I know this can be hard but know it can be done!

Because of the trauma I have endured since a baby I have had to deal with demons as I began to purge myself of the evil that i had inherited from the abuse and neglect. When we really start to grow in God we began to see the ugly things come out of us and at first it may look like we are getting worse rather than better. But this must happen and this is the first sign of change. When we begin to war with our flesh. 

We must sow the Word of God into our hearts by reading and meditating on it day and night. This is what forces the darkness out because they cannot abide within each other. 

Prayer is what strengthens us when we feel we are losing the fight. Even if you can only speak a few words "God give me strength", 'Lord I need you", "Help me in my weakness" God will always show up and give you what you need in those moments. 

Submission is the most important part of this process. To submit to God is to lay your life down for Him and ask Him to take control. Give it all away and declare your devotion to Him. But this must be said with a true and willing heart. While words make mountains move and even can bring death they can be empty and void without a true sincere heart.

God bless you and I hope you or whoever this questions was from may overcome in Jesus as I have. So you can help so many people like us who have gone through this and have fallen to Satan lies. Rather they have been told they are unlovable, destined to fail or will always be alone let the blood of the lamb and the word of our testimony help them overcome! AMEN

April 12 2014 1 response Vote Up Share Report


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Open uri20130622 23898 8dsex Kelli Hamann Supporter Pastor's Wife, Mother, Grandmother, Teacher, Writer, Cellist
This is a complex and multi-faceted issue, one not easily addressed, and made even more complex by the various ways in which abuses present themselves and damage others. 

First of all, God never intends for children to be abused. He instructs fathers in Ephesians 6:4,

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.

He instructs mothers in Proverbs 31:26-28,

She opens her mouth in wisdom,
And the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
She looks well to the ways of her household,
And does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children rise up and bless her.

And also in Titus 2:3-5,

Older women...encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored.

Unfortunately, sin broke our world, and this includes the realm of parenting. 

For Christians seeking to recover from the trauma of abuse, Jesus has answers. In my opinion, Isaiah 53 (a prophetic announcement about Jesus) offers comfort and perspective:

Verses 3-11:He was despised and rejected by mankind,
a man of suffering, and familiar with pain.
Like one from whom people hide their faces
he was despised, and we held him in low esteem.
Surely he took up our pain
and bore our suffering,
yet we considered him punished by God,
stricken by him, and afflicted.
But he was pierced for our transgressions,
he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was on him,
and by his wounds we are healed.
We all, like sheep, have gone astray,
each of us has turned to our own way;
and the Lord has laid on him
the iniquity of us all.
He was oppressed and afflicted,
yet he did not open his mouth;
he was led like a lamb to the slaughter,
and as a sheep before its shearers is silent,
so he did not open his mouth.
By oppressions and judgment he was taken away.
Yet who of his generation protested?
For he was cut off from the land of the living;
for the transgression of my people he was punished.
He was assigned a grave with the wicked,
and with the rich in his death,
though he had done no violence,
nor was any deceit in his mouth.
Yet it was the Lord’s will to crush him and cause him to suffer,
and though the Lord makes his life an offering for sin,
he will see his offspring and prolong his days,
and the will of the Lord will prosper in his hand.
After he has suffered,
he will see the light of lifed and be satisfied;
by his knowledgef my righteous servant will justify many,
and he will bear their iniquities..

Verse 12b: For he bore the sin of many,
and made intercession for the transgressors.

First of all, it's clear from this passage that Jesus suffered unjustly. He understands the pain and anguish of abused people; He empathizes with them, so when He offers comfort, He truly understands the heart of the one in need of comfort.

Second, these verses indicate that because Jesus took our pain and suffering, He can offer us healing. He literally bore our wounds in order for our healing to be possible.

Third, we see His example, that in spite of what He suffered, He didn't open His mouth in protest. I realize that abuse needs to be exposed and if possible, victims must speak up in order for abuse to be addressed and hopefully stopped. But what we can learn from Jesus here is that in spite of being abused, He didn't lash out in anger, and even prayed for the transgressors.

To me, this passage offers hope for the abused. Jesus and the word of God have real answers for anyone who has been abused.

From a practical standpoint, I suggest 2 things: 1) Godly counseling from trained, Christian professionals, and 2) Praying for the abusers. Whenever I've been wronged in my life, I have found tremendous power in genuinely praying for those that have hurt me, as Isaiah 53 suggests.

April 12 2014 0 responses Vote Up Share Report


7
Data Bill Gillan Father of 4 and have an amazing wife
Firstly I would say God is good and promises to work good in all things for those who love him. He does not promise to make all things good.

I grew up in 2 abusive homes. My years from 0-14 were very traumatic whilst living in a broken family unit. My years from 15-18 were just as traumatic.

I was born out of wedlock to a mother whom came from a Muslim background. Imagine the shame. She was advised to terminate me. Praise God he stepped in. I have 2 brothers born in wedlock. Natural father walked away from us all. Step father walks in. My mother carried the shame and took it out on me. Youngest brother loved by mother, he was raised up to Allah. Second brother loved by my step father. Me? Black sheep of the family. I was never good enough and could never do good enough. 

Discipline for me was very physical and emotionally abusive, not so for my 2 brothers. 

At the age of 14 my mother did not want me and asked a family that I knew through a church I had started to go to if they would take me in. They said yes.

15-18 I found myself suffering the following.

A foster dad who spent those years trying to sexually abuse me. A mother who told my family vicious lies about me. 

That's part of my story. Now I will answer your question that has helped me.
I am now 46 (well almost next month 14 May if you want to send me happy birthday greeting)

Firstly my mum. I was so angry with her, just stopping short of hating with a passion. I sought pastor in my church because I was so miserable. The first thing he said to me was "What about your mother? What about her I replied. He suggested I needed to forgive her and write down all things I held against her and pray through forgiving her. I did that BUT as I finished doing that I really felt God say to me "ASK ME HOW I FEEL ABOUT MY MOTHER" I did that, then I cried for 24 hours. He poured in my heart how HE felt about my mother and then I could see why she reacted as she did with me and now he feels about her and how his heart breaks for her. That's not an excuse for her but the point is he changed the perspective. Our relationship is now fully restored. No more pain. Granted God gave me a wife so full of grace who walked with me all the way who helped me and my mum.

Foster dad. A guy who I met through church. He actually led me to Christ. Wow what a shock when they take me in. Within a few months he is trying to abuse me. It did come out with my Foster mum and he promised not to carry on. It did but I didn't tell my foster mum because she loved me, first person to love Bill for Bill warts and all. I hated this man with a passion but also love my foster mum with a passion to.

So I kept in contact and visited them just for her my wife a kids occasionally. Days before the visit and during the visit and after the visit I would have nightmares. 

I hated him with a passion and would not forgive him and was waiting for him to die cause then I would be rid of him but in a sense I knew I would not. My so full of grace wife advised me otherwise, not for him but me.

Forward to 2 years ago. I had been out of church for 15 years after being in active ministry for 8 years. 

We were meant to visit and I made an excuse not to which broke my Foster Mums heart.

I started a Freedom in Christ course. Before I got the part about forgiveness I felt God say to me "I want us to deal with this" I said " No I'm not going to" God says "Let us go and deal with it" I say " No I'm not" Then he said to me "Bill what part of US, YOU AND ME HAVE YOU NOT GOT?

Sledge hammer to crack a nut.

I went and you know what? WE DEALT WITH IT.

God released me. So much so that a within a year he died and I was there to be with him during his last time on earth and sort out his affairs.

God knew that unless it was dealt with before he died I would never deal with the pain, the nightmares hatred.

Anyway, how do you get past the trauma? Be honest and seek God. Belief his promise to work good in all things. He does

April 15 2014 4 responses Vote Up Share Report


7
Mini Dahn Carey
My father lacked self control when it came to discipline. When angered by anything his 7 children might do, the rage took the form of physical injury. One time I was punched in the face and left w/a bloody nose. Others in my family were also hurt physically at times. His father had handled him in the same fashion and my mother and grandmother also suffered physical abuse. 
My father eventually left us all and my mother struggled to work and make ends meet. When I got saved at age 20 after I had left home for college and gotten married in my freshman year, I ended up at a Pentecostal Church where my brother-in-law met and I answered an altar call to ask Jesus into my heart. Over the years of walking w/The Lord and knowing Him better, I had the distinct realization that God was my real father. 

I was travelling from Seattle area to Spokane to help get my father into a care situation as alchohol had ravaged his body. It had left him blind, as well as having to have a leg amputated and also placed on dialysis 3 times per week. As I was driving, I was listening to worship music and joining in with that worship w/all my heart & voice. It was then that God spoke to me that he was my real father and He gave me a glimpse of the need my biological father had for love and forgiveness. 

At the end of my fathers life, (which ended at age 67) I shared my faith in Jesus w/him. He said he would be a hypocrite if he lived his whole life in disobedience to God and then expected to be forgiven in his last days. I shared w/him that to know God and His love & forgiveness was the whole reason for our existence on the earth. 
I believe he responded to that truth in his last days (though he didn't verbally acknowledge that to me) I surprised him w/an early morning Sunday visit and found him listening to hymns and a Christian broadcast.

The Lord gave me a loving and forgiving heart towards my father and a realization that people who have, themselves, been so wounded from their upbringing and have not yet come to know The Savior, need all the more love and attention even though they may try to push it away. God is Good to never give up on the lost and hurting souls! I pray to be used by him daily.

April 16 2014 4 responses Vote Up Share Report


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Open uri20131012 7189 1thezhu Carmen Rodriguez
Dear Johnatta,

I celebrate with you, your freedom from the things that were done to you, and caused damage.But God!

You are walking in the freedom and wholeness that the Lord Jesus purchased for you and me, by His shed blood on the cross, by His death and resurrection. I especially receive and acknowledge as essential 3 things in particular as mentioned by you- His word transforming and 
liberating you from the chains the enemy had caused to come on you! Hallelujah!

Saying them from a sincere heart-and praying for those that hurt you! You are really showing forth not only your Salvation, but the fruits thereof! Glory to God in the highest!

April 15 2014 0 responses Vote Up Share Report


1
Data Bruce Lyon Elder: Restoration Fellowship Assembly
The question is: "What does God say about growing up in an abusive home? How does one get past this trauma?"

God gives us deliverance from the power of darkness and has given us to enter in the light!

Colossians 1:13 [Yehovah] Who has delivered us from the power of darkness, and has translated us into the kingdom of his dear Son:

If one has been translated into the kingdom of the son of the living God Yehovah, then one can confront all conditions that this world has to put in your path to cause you to be discouraged and give up on him. Don't do it, because he will not give up on you. Seek God in prayer seeking to be delivered from any abusive situation and if possible leave such a relationship as soon as possible.

2 Corinthians 4:6 For God, who commanded the light to shine out of darkness, has shined in our hearts, to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus the anointed one.

God has shined in our hearts giving us light and wisdom to deal with any and all situation that might be troubling us. As Him for his protection and security.

Romans 8:10 And if the anointed one be in you, the body is dead because of sin; but the Spirit is life because of righteousness.

You are not longer, as a believer in the lord Jesus, to follow or allow the body of sin - our sin nature in us to influence any longer, including all of the terrible memories that involved us while walking according to the flesh and not according to the spirit of truth.

Romans 8:15 For you have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but you have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father.

The to get past any trauma is to go to your God and your Father in prayer and seek His healing help to rid yourself of the painful memories of the past and you can do so as you continually rejoice in reminding yourself of all your God and Father has done for you. The way to overcome sinful memories or terrible past experiences is to NOT allow yourself to dwell on them but instead pray at all times to your God and your Father rejoicing in thanksgiving before the One with Whom we have to do at all times. Any time a wrongful thought or memory of a past trauma or sin tries to get into your mind immediately begin to praise your God and your Father for all He is to you and you will immediately overcome bad thoughts of past trauma or sins from having a negative effect over you.

We all need to realize that through the power of the spirit of truth - the spirit of Jesus in us, is the same power that governs the entire universe. Tap into that power and use it to overcome all the baggage that our old nature and the evil one will try to bring to our attention away from the awesome deliverance we have in Jesus God's anointed one.

Walk free in the spirit of Jesus and in doing so will will be able to put aside the old man with all it's baggage and walk in the newness of life, resurrection life, new age life now! When we immerse ourselves in Jesus and realize we have through the spirit of truth the mind of the lord Jesus which will enable us to do all that he did if we will live by his testimony and keep the commandments that his God gave to him to give unto us. 

Galatians 5:1: Stand fast therefore in the liberty - freedom wherewith the anointed one has made us free, and be not entangled again with the yoke of bondage.

By the spirit of truth - the spirit of the lord Jesus you can come out or the yoke of bondage of past memories of trauma and sin and not be entangled again with them. In the anointed one you can to all things. Believe that and act accordingly! You God and Father loves you in a way that our physical parents could not do. Our Father's love is awesome toward use who don't deserve any of it at all, yet He loved us so much that He allowed His uniquely begotten son Jesus to be crucified in order that we might be reconciled to Him; and He did this while we were yet in our sins. Amazing Grace!

April 15 2014 0 responses Vote Up Share Report


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