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I grew up in a dysfunctional family and was mistreated and abused by my parents, grandparents, and my older brother. Therefore, with no one being my advocate, I've suffered from low self esteem, depression, and anxiety. I've been a Christian as far back as my can remember. I had the misconception that God was like my domineering father. I know my sins are forgiven but I can't get out of this continued cycle of depression & anxiety.
I've prayed for the past 30 plus years for God to heal me but He hasn't. I've taken many different medications for depression and am still seeing yet another counselor (as well as pastors) to find relief. I wouldn't commit suicide because I feel I would for sure go to hell. I only want to feel better. My question is "Why does God cure some people and yet hasn't healed me"? I don't feel I have any lack of true saving faith. Jesus died for my sins. I do continual bible study, daily, as well as I am a bible based church goer. Any words of encouragement? Thank you.