Steve VanDyke Director, Community Servants Missions Training School, TN

Divorce should never be an option, but there are some good reasons that one should be granted a divorce. Example- continued physical abuse, even emotional abuse or continued infidelity as well. 

However, porn is an addiction the same as alcohol or drugs. For any of these issues, however, I would seek some counseling from someone inside the church or someone certified in the area of pornography addiction. 

The problem with porn is the lust issue, and anyone watching porn is poisoning their mind and ruining their marriage intimacy. It is one way the enemy can get a foothold of sin within one's marriage. However, it is not a reason to just get a divorce without first seeking help and allowing God to do some healing and restoration.

There are ways, again with counseling, to overcome marriage issues. Don't think for a second that you are the only married couple to battle this problem, and the addiction is one that doesn't just attack men, but women as well.

I would pray that God changes your husband's habits and even convicts him more every time he watches/uses it. It is a habit that will take time to change, but God is bigger than any addiction and can heal your marriage. Bringing in someone to help counsel, with mutual consent, is a good idea. First, there needs to be some conversation with the spouse about the issue. God Bless!

September 20 2014 • 2 responses • Vote Up • Share • Report

Jennifer Rothnie Supporter Housewife, Artist, Perpetually Curious

The earthly marriage covenant between man and wife is a reflection of the covenant between Christ and His bride, the church. God hates divorce (Mal 2:15-16). Yet, to be unfaithful with one's spouse is by analogy like one of us leaving God to serve Satan. This is why marital unfaithfulness is the only allowed reason for divorce. (Matt 19:9) Further, any man who divorces and remarries commits adultery, and causes the new woman he marries to commit adultery as well! (Matt 5:32)

We should take care then in evaluating whether porn use counts as 'adultery', as if we are wrong then to divorce would cause oneself to commit adultery, and make one's spouse the victim of adultery!

There are several points to consider:

First: The word used for 'marital unfaithfulness' in Matt 5:32, Matt 19:9 is porneia (fornication, idolatry). While loosely it refers to many forms of sexual immorality, it more properly refers to illicit sexual intercourse (such as prostitution and fornication). It is more broad than the word for "adultery" (moicheuó) that is used in Matt 5:28 and elsewhere. While it isn't cut and dry that pornography is equivalent to the marriage breach Christ is speaking of, pornography is basically virtual prostitution. An excellent article on pornography and adultery is here: http://www.covenanteyes.com/2009/07/27/is-porn-the-same-as-adultery/ 

Second: If we equate 'lusting in one's heart' to a breach of the marriage contract, then pornography is adultery. However, lusting after a movie star, reading a trashy romance novel or risque fanfic, flirting with a co-worker, or even fantasizing about how much Mr. Darcy is better than one's own husband would also count as adultery. As such, it is best not to hold others up to this impossible standard that we could never reach. Furthermore, using lust=adultery leads to a slippery slope and a line no one can define.

Jesus in Matt 5:27-29 was not upending the legal system so as to tell judges to convict people who 'thought' about stealing, or for husbands to throw out their wives who 'thought' about the handsome man down the street, etc. Rather, in context it is about how even a 'minor' sin is major, for it still misses the target and falls short of God's glory (Rom 3:22-24). He was tearing down man's self-righteousness, not giving humans a reason to call their neighbors unrighteous.

Third: Both man and wife have duties within the marriage covenant. Neither are to deny each other regular physical relations, for example, except by mutual consent to focus on God. [Nowhere does scripture allow a women to try and change her husband via an moritorium on sex]. The woman is to respect her husband, the husband to love his wife (and vice versa). The woman is to submit, the husband to lead. When a breach happens (he looks at porn; she reads erotica; he yells; she gossips; etc), then it is likely that one or both spouses have stopped treating each other with unconditional love, and have started acting out of selfishness or focusing on what they personally want. 

Fourth: Pornography is an addiction, like many other addictions, but its effects are more personal to the spouse and they affect intimacy. Steve covers this aspect in his answer.

Conclusion [which is mostly my opinion, based on the above]: Divorce should not be the first thing one seeks if finding out a spouse is addicted to porn. A lot of grace and unconditional love will be needed, but imagine the grace God gives us when we flirt around with idols or sin in general. Both spouses should examine themselves - there may be breaches on both sides. A pastor or accountability partner should be consulted for help (vs. Complaining or gossiping to friends). If the porn use is continual/deliberately unrepentant (vs. Struggling but trying), then perhaps a divorce may be sought under terms of unfaithfulness. If children are involved, it is probably better to stay in the marriage, for there is no requirement that one 'must' get divorced.

September 24 2014 • 4 responses • Vote Up • Share • Report

Pam Johnson

NO, that is definitely not a biblical reason to divorce your husband. I know, from personal experience, that the best thing to do is to continue praying for your husband. It's not right that the wife has to lead the husband in all things spiritual and of God, but it is your situation and it was mine as well. 

Keep yourself pure, surround yourself with God's people, read God's promises and BELIEVE HIM FOR THEM. Continue to lean on the Lord and pray with your children if you have any. Perhaps, by your example and through prayer you can help him. You can demand in the name of Jesus that the devil stop attacking him and you can have a heart to heart conversation with your husband about how much this is affecting you and your relationship, not only with each other, but most importantly with God. 

Your husband has to have a willing heart to stop, and once he gets to that place you can pray together to overcome his desire to watch it. Never engage in the activities together that he is desiring. It will keep him a prisoner to it. You might even want to stop having sex together until he can decide if he wants a wife or a prostitute. My best advice from having been in your situation and married over 30 yrs.

September 20 2014 • 0 responses • Vote Up • Share • Report

Michael Brown President of Senior Citizen Ministry Hopewell Baptist Church

Marriage is sacred in God's eyes. The Lord knows man needs a companion to be happy. He created woman to fill this need. "Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh." (Genesis 2:24) 

"Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church," (Ephesians 5:25-33)

I want to begin my answer by stating that if at all possible you should try to resolve all disputes with your spouse. Seek council AND prayer with a pastor or other spiritual leader. God HATES divorce! "For I hate divorce,” says the LORD,"(Malachi 2:16) Jesus Christ himself stated that adultery IS a valid reason for divorce. “It was said, ‘Whoever sends his wife away, let him give her a certificate of divorce" (Matthew 5:31) The husband has sent his wife away when he reaches for another woman to satisfy his sexual desires. 

Prior to this scripture Jesus speaks about LUST. " I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart." (Matthew 5:28)

Vine's Expository Dictionary defines LUST as "a verb that expresses the underlying idea of strong desire." 

Pornography, and the effects of it, are sexual immorality. The book of 1 Corinthians addresses this. "Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body." (1 Corinthians 6:18-20)

Your husband is looking at the bodies of other women online or in magazines with a lustful heart. According to scripture (Matthew 5:28) he has committed adultery on you. He broke the vow he made on the day you were married. With the advances in technology today pornography is available 24/7. I advise first that you pray asking God to put a bridle on this desire of the heart. Then go to a pastor or other spiritual leader asking for their advise and prayer. 

Again, I recommend first go to God in prayer, then go to your church leaders. If, after doing all of these things, your husband continues to use pornography to satisfy his sexual desires he has committed adultery on you and adultery is one of the few Biblically valid reasons for divorce in God's eyes.

September 20 2014 • 0 responses • Vote Up • Share • Report

Blessing Bisong

I do not think you should divorce him, rather be the godly wife and intercede for him. The Lord himself will meet him at the point of his needs and bring help and deliverance for him. He just could be bound by the spirit of immorality. He needs your love, prayers and understanding. The Lord grant you grace to stand by him. Remember, a godly wife sanctifies an ungodly husband.

September 20 2014 • 0 responses • Vote Up • Share • Report

Vincent Mercado Supporter Skeptic turned believer, Catholic, father of 3

Oh yes, it is.

Pornography consists in removing real or simulated sexual acts from the intimacy of the partners, in order to display them deliberately to third parties. It offends against chastity because it perverts the conjugal act, the intimate giving of spouses to each other. It does grave injury to the dignity of its participants (actors, vendors, the public), since each one becomes an object of base pleasure and illicit profit for others. It immerses all who are involved in the illusion of a fantasy world. It is a grave offense. Civil authorities should prevent the production and distribution of pornographic materials.

September 04 2014 • 0 responses • Vote Up • Share • Report