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I am convinced that God sends things in to our lives for His purpose only. When I have been in great sadness and sorrow and confusion I also receive grace and am drawn so much closer to God. After 74 years on this planet, and seeing how God works in my own life I am just amazed. I have come to the place that it is far more His work in us than it is anything about ourselves. I remember going to bed one night and the lord layed it on my heart to beg Him for a soft heart and take out the stony one. He then put it in me to start begging him for a few crumbs from His table as a ragged filthy begar. What came of that I cannot explain. I am so convinced of salvation by grace alone and His work in us and through us far more than anything, we can think or do. As I look back over my life, I can see without me doing anything sins I used to have just fell away over time. He said a leopard cannot change its spots and I know this to be true. The flesh just cannot change the flesh. Sometimes we just try to hard instead of resting in His grace to finish the work in us. Our greatest sin is still unbelief. He said he would work in us and through us to change us, but we just do not believe it. I love him so much more than even a year ago. There are many things I do not understand and I keep praying for wisdom to understand His word better. But, I find the best way to learn things so that I will remeber them is to experience them. I remember on time I felt so empty and I cried out to Him " My God My God, Why has though forsaken me?" And then I remebered the same thing He went through on the cross for me. I could only love Him more. But, even after all of this, my heart can also still become very cold. Oh miserable wretch that I am, Who will deliver me from the body of this death? Jesus the lover of my soul. Amen
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