I'm very sorry if I took anyone's time, but this is something important. No people could have been more dear to my life than my parents. Although my parents divorced 10 years ago and my real dad lives far away, I have a stepfather now who isn't as caring. But that doesnt mean I'm going to withdraw from his place as head of the family. I love my mom too, and I'm trying to get her attention so that I can spend time with her, but she's too much with my negative minded stepfather. Is there any way I could interact more with my family? I'm not necassarily lonley since Jesus is with me, but I also know it's not good for man to be alone. Please help.
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Jack. So sorry to hear that your heart grieves for more attention from your parents. I can tell that you are a sensitive person as you even apologize for asking the question. First know that God is Father to the fatherless and secondly don't take blame upon yourself that your not getting attention because it's something that your doing wrong. This is a lie of Satan. I'm sure you are loved by them. Because your question is somewhat vague I would concentrate more on them than on you. Maybe they are busy people that don't realize what they are doing. Maybe they have hidden issues they are dealing with. Maybe their marriage has issues. Maybe they just aren't that type of a send stove person. Your role is to honor them and that is it. Try engaging them in a non accusatory way and see what they say or respond. A great way to pose the question would be, "Mom and Dad, you know I'm a sensitive person and need affection. I feel at times, and it may just be me, that it's lacking, and I desire to be engaged with you guys more."
I would say, (from my experience) to pray over and over until God moves in your stepfather's life. I believe your mom will follow him. The way to reach people that are negative is to pray for the negative one. Every day lift him up to The Lord in prayer, it is the most powerful tool you have. We cannot change people's attitudes like God can. God speaks to man's heart and can convict him to the point of surrender! The Lord is still in the miracle business, so pray and allow God to do what you're not able to be. Be a witness to the both of them with your actions as a real Christian.
I personally recommend the direct, honest approach. With your mum say something like "I want to spend more time with you because I miss that time we used to have. Let's do something together tomorrow, ok?" and see what happens. If she doesn't respond immediately, you have planted the seed that you want time with her. And you can ask again if nothing happens. Then pray! As for your stepfather, while you are respecting his place as head of the family, you do not seem to see him in the best light, referring to him as 'negative'. In this case, as long as there is no underlying abuse going on here, I would recommend you suggest doing something as a 'family' together as well, including him. A sporting event, a picnic, even a movie! Getting to know one another better is always a good way to bond and create intimacy. Sometimes all it takes is one person making a little effort to bring into a relationship something everyone always wanted anyway! And then after this... pray again! As for your biological father, again, I would suggest you talk to your mum and just explain you miss him and want to spend some time with him. Perhaps a weekend visit trip to him could be planned, or an upcoming family birthday or anniversary may bring him to your area to facilitate a visit with him. God only knows and because He does... pray some more! And while I should have said this FIRST, but will close with it, pray nonstop! 1 Thessalonians 5:17 Pray without ceasing. God hears your heart and will answer your prayers because He is a faithful God who loves you very very much! You didn't say whether your family are Christians or not. If they are, perhaps doing some church centered activities together could create more family time. If they are not, perhaps you could invite them to your church. Alternatively, if your family's hearts are hardened past making the effort to spend time with you, or go to church (at this time), get involved in a church/prayer group, join a youth group that do fun things together... sometimes being a Christian means you need to leave your family behind if they remain nonbelievers: Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword. 35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law. 36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household. 37 He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. 38 And he that taketh not his cross, and followeth after me, is not worthy of me. 39 He that findeth his life shall lose it: and he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it. And throughout... just PRAY because ALL things are possible with our great God. ALL THINGS. Be strong in the Lord brotherman. Blessings, In HIM, Lynn
Hi Jack. I agree with Emo but just want to add a bit more if I may. Firstly don't be sorry for posting your question. We are called to love and come along side our brothers and sisters in Christ and it's a privilege to do so. Every son and daughter craves the attention, acceptance and love of their parents. You do not say whether your mom, dad and stepfather are Christians, but you obviously are. That being said you have the greatest access to the resource of grace that restored and reconciled our relationship to our Heavenly Father and that resource is Jesus who lives in you. So what I would like to add is that you draw on that resource. I was in a similar situation to you. I never knew my real father (mum divorced him when I was very young) only knew a stepfather. He was like your stepfather but his negativity about me was my mother's. There was no relationship full stop, so I grew up with a lot of hurt and resentment. That happens even when they do love their children but lack in an area such as not actually saying they love you or never hugging or cuddling their children or harsh discipline. The reason I am telling you this is because one day God asked me to write down any resentment or upset that I had (and believe me there was a lot). He then asked me to give it up to him and let it go and walk in it. He then asked me (and this shocked me) to ask him how he felt about my mother and stepfather. I cried for 24 hours solid, I did not sleep. This showed me God's perspective about my mum and how he feels for her rather than my perspective about how I felt my mum should feel about me. The restoration process started at that point. When I saw my mum through God's eyes with Jesus in me I started to meet her needs, acceptance she needed, love she needed, significance she needed that only God can give. Once I started to do that I started to love her and I soon started to get her attention. It took a while but our relationship is great now. She calls me, wants to spend time with me and looks forward to it and me, too. So really what I want to add to Emo's comments is check if you may have any resentment or angst that may cause you to react in any way that God would not want you to and that would make it difficult to find any common ground that builds upon your relationships. This may not be the case with you, but my experience with people in similar situations is that it does cause problems. I have mentioned my stepfather in the process mentioned above but he left my mum when I was 13 and we never saw each other again. No relationship to be restored but resentment needed to be dealt with, which I did or to be precise, I say God and I did. God is good all of the time and he promises to work good in all things for those who love him. God bless you Jack.
First, I'm happy for you, that you care about your parents and that they matter to you. Pray for all of them to know Jesus Christ in a life saving and life changing way. Pray for God to meet their hearts greatest needs in all things, including their relationships. Second, pray for God to reveal Himself to you as the loving, perfect parent that He can be in your life-regardless of what your earthly parents may or may never be capable of being. I believe you will reach a new level of loving God with all your heart, soul, and mind and you will also be loving all your parents. In fact, you would be praying for them to have exactly what your own heart desires. Jesus commanded such love in Matt 22. This isn't a magic formula. Jesus always tapped into the best for us not momentary fixes. Prayer motivated by love is a planted seed. We may see some results in this part of eternity, and I pray that you do, but your prayers for them have a further reaching purpose.
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