How can I help my child who was sexually abused?
How can I reach my son who feels everyone around is against him feels fear everyday something bad is going to happen and no one understand what he is going through. He was abused by his father as a child and brother. I raised him in a Pentecost Church after I gave my heart to Jesus Christ. Was sexually abused by church member. My son tells me he cries out to God but no help comes. A Pentecost Pastor and another man has tried contacting him but he won't answer. My son and I both suffer from depression and anxiety. Should I give him scripture that has helped me or just listen at this time?
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Asked April 19 2014
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Ruth Anne Jones
For follow-up discussion and general commentary on the topic. Comments are sorted chronologically.
Elisabeth Woltman
this is for me one of the hardest questions. I am a mother myself and I am certain of one thing that the person/s who were guilty of such an act had been made to pay the highest possible price. That part can be dealt with by the appropriate authority and pursue through the courts.
As far as your son is concerned, the first extremely important thing you will have to assure him of, is that it was not his fault and he has not done anything wrong.
I am convinced that both of you need the professional counseling. In case of your son, what he might find helpful, is to attend meetings with others who experience similar tragedy. I am afraid that for the time being, until he begins to believe that he is a very good person, it will be advisable to seek the help outside the church environment.
At the same time, I would explain to him the very special love that Christ has for children, that He sets the children as the example to us grown-ups, because of their pure hearts.
Unfortunately, you have not mentioned the Scripture that helped you but I personally think that both listening and reading the Scripture should go together.
I also think that both of you might want to attend meetings with other children and their mothers who went through the similar nightmare.
Ruth, please try to make your son to understand that for God to help, a person has to make an effort to move in some direction.
Elisabeth Woltman
Sitting at home, turning in his mind the facts over and over again and waiting for God to help while doing nothing, in my opinion is the wrong thing to do.
It is my belief that for God to "take over", one has to take some action.
It will take a long time to come to terms with what happened and you will have very bad, bad and relatively good days. Believe me when I say that throughout the whole time God will be with you. He WILL give you the strength to carry on, many times you will have to be strong for your son and there will be times when he has to be the stronger one.
What helps me at the times when I hurt and start to feel sorry for myself, is remembering the pain, I mean physical pain together with the humiliation Christ suffer on the Cross, anything I am experiencing in nothing in comparison with that.
Tell your son that Jesus who was without a sin, whose heart was also pure, willingly accepted that terrible pain for your son as well, not only so he can have the new life in Christ but also at the times when we are pushed against the wall, when we can't see the way ahead of us, we can take all of it to His Cross and ask Him to take this heavy burden away from us.
He will do it, I have experienced it myself.
I hope that what I have written had been of some help and comfort.
As from today both you and your son will be in my prayers.
Laurie Johnson
I am so so sorry for your pain. My daughter was also sexually abused, but in a daycare situation.
I did EVERYTHING within my power to whatever I could do. We ended up in court on a civil suit. It was the first sexual abuse case brought against a daycare in the history of Montana. This was back in the 90's.
I did all that I could do to make a stink that this behavior was WRONG in so many ways.
I did this for my daughter so that the day she asks me what I did about it, I can honestly say, "I did everything within my power to stand up against the horrors she was forced to endure." And, she did ask.
Stay very close to our Lord. It hurts a mother almost as much as it hurts a child.
This type of behavior must be dealt with swiftly and harshly. Although it may not seem like it at times, the law IS on your side.