What does the bible say about being married to someone you are not 'in love' with?


Clarify Share Report Asked January 20 2016 Mini Anonymous

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Mini Tim Maas Retired Quality Assurance Specialist with the U.S. Army
For a Christian, the time to determine whether you are sufficiently "in love" with another person to remain with them for the rest of your life (which is what you are promising in God's view to do when you marry) is before the marriage vows are said. After that, the only grounds for dissolution that Scripture recognizes for Christians are adultery (Matthew 5:31-32; Matthew 19:8-9) and desertion of a Christian husband or wife by a non-Christian spouse (1 Corinthians 7:15). (God permitted (but did not command) divorce for other reasons in the Law (just as current human civil law does), but, as Jesus said, that was a concession to the hardness of the sinful human heart, and was not part of God's original intent for marriage.) 

Feelings and emotions can change, but that cannot justify the abandonment of such a commitment in God's view. Romantic love is wonderful, but so much emphasis is placed on it that society now believes that, once either partner no longer feels "in love" (whatever the basis for that feeling may be), there is no reason for the couple to remain together. Marriage is a lifelong, day-by-day succession of conscious choices and decisions of the will, all made in the general framework of the promises that each partner made to the other at the time that they were married.

You don't specify any particular reasons for no longer being "in love", but (in addition to secular marriage counseling) Christian programs exist that are designed to heal and save such marriages. If a person loved someone else sufficiently to have decided to marry them, there should still be a way (even in the most dire of circumstances, and especially if children are involved) to re-discover and re-kindle that love and commitment, and that should always be a Christian's preferred course of action.

January 20 2016 2 responses Vote Up Share Report

25d3a9800111f291681cc51bd4bed015 michelle perry am a lowly servant and believer of Jesus Christ
I am struggling myself with this issue even today. I got married when I was pregnant with my daughter at the time but was very much in love with my husband and thought he was with me as well at the time.

However, later on after she was born I found out he was in love with someone else who was married and from another country. He didn't come out and tell me that until way after my son was born.

We had both become born again Christians and tried to make the marriage work, but it just didn't. So I took the kids and left him. We have been separated for over seventeen years now but still legally married.

I have tried to appeal to my husband that we should either try to make the marriage work or divorce, and that's when he met another woman and confessed that he was in love with her and the other woman from when we first got married. He says he never loved me at all, but married me because I was pregnant with our daughter.

I do not believe he should stay like this with me and I believe we should divorce, but he had a stroke and will not divorce me at all even though he is still in love with these two women. I have not dated nor do I ever plan on it, and am keeping myself pure and holy before God. I will never have a sexual relationship with any man if it isn't contained in a true marriage match of God's for me.

I will be divorced first from my first husband. The marriage must be God-ordained and pure in His eyes, and I will have no less. If He wills me to remain single I am good with that, too.

I just wanted to give my view on this subject. Not sure if it will help anyone, but I hope it does give some insight into it if they are in a similar position so that I might pray for them and encourage them to stay in God's path for them. He will give the right answers to them.

I am still waiting for the answer to my situation and I know God will tell me in His timing. God bless.

June 12 2020 0 responses Vote Up Share Report

Data Danny Hickman Supporter Believer in The Gospel Of Jesus Christ
The story of the 'love at first sight' communion of Jacob and Rachael is told in Genesis 29, and is very revealing for the lesson to be learned from it. Jacob agrees to work for Rachael's father Laban for seven years in exchange for Rachael's hand in marriage. He completes the seven years of service and is deceived by Laban. During the marriage feast Laban waited until evening and brought his daughter Leah to Jacob instead of Rachael, and Jacob "went in to her" Genesis 29:23. The details of the hijinks isn't given, but it had to be some party for the groom to end up married to his bride's sister. Needless to say, he was not in love with her, and was very upset with the treachery of his father-in-law.
What do you do, or better yet, what is the right way to handle this difficult situation, the blame not resting on yourself? What should Jacob do? Apparently everyone was in on the stratagem with the exception of Jacob.

There is no way to unlock the closed door that is the result of the contrivance of wedlock, lock being a fitting suffix to a wedding. Jacob had "gone in to her", and there was no way to undo this binding covenant; he was in a fix. Jacob the trickster, is getting a hand dealt from the bottom of the deck. He marries Rachael a week later. Now he has to adjust his plans, but he loves Rachael so he doesn't even blink.

That's the beauty of marriage, the necessity to trust God in an employment that is sure to change, mutate even, over the life of the agreement. You can put all your trust in your own ability to foresee your future, or you can learn to trust that God has a plan for you, even when it appears He's not paying attention.

Now the Lord saw that Leah was unloved.... Genesis 29:31. God played no part in the treachery committed against Jacob, and He never took His eyes off Jacob during the whole ordeal. 
Rachael was a barren woman, a problem for a man destined to father twelve sons. The bible says that God opened Leah's womb, but it doesn't say He closed Rachael's, it only says that she was barren. 

God has a plan for a husband and wife that transcends human comprehension.

Leah conceived and bore three sons in rapid succession, and each time she said "now my husband will love me." After bearing her fourth son she finally said "this time I will praise the Lord." Then she stopped bearing Genesis 29:35. 

Where would we be if Laban had not been allowed to trick Jacob? Well, some will say that God could have given Rachael twelve sons without a hitch. Yes, and in the formation, we would be deprived of the knowledge of the loving care the Lord has for those He is in covenant with. How He will take what man means for evil and use it for good in our lives. 

When we read this story we have an expectation of good for Jacob because of the vow he made to God to worship Him if God took care of him while he sojourned in Haran. Genesis 28:21. 

Enter into covenant with God and leave the subsequent details to Him Pr 3:5,6

September 23 2016 0 responses Vote Up Share Report

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