What should a Christian wife do if her husband is not being the spiritual leader he should be?

My husband believes in God and Jesus but doesn't read the bible and will not attend church. So I am kind of on my own in this way. I follow Jesus with all my heart! Am I wrong because I am not following my husband's leadership?

Clarify Share Report Asked February 27 2015 Mini Anonymous

Community answers are sorted based on votes. The higher the vote, the further up an answer is.

Emilio 1992 Emo Tenorio Shomer
In my humble opinion there are times and tribulations in this life that humble, and can also drop us to our knees. From your post it would seem that your husband is a walking wounded, and his fire is a flicker currently, for reasons unknown to me? (Judges 4:9)

Your husband is a most blessed man, to have such a caring helpmate at his side during his temporary dry time in the wilderness and now someone able, must take the point and lead, so others may safely follow. (Luke 7:35)

These are the times and things that will put a razor's edge on your sword, remember to armor up, talk often and pray always. When he is fully restored and able, the lead will return to him as that is the proper position of things. (2 Corinthians 10:5; Mark 9:49)

In the Lord's freedom, leaning on each other at times....................warrior on

February 28 2015 0 responses Vote Up Share Report

Galen 2 Galen Smith Retired from Multnomah Bible College and Biblical Seminary
The Bible has a number of passages that teach that wives are to be in submission to their husbands. This is first explicitly stated in Genesis 3:16, and is reiterated several times in the New Testament (1 Corinthians 14:34b; Ephesians 5:22-24; Colossians 3:18; 1 Timothy 2:11-12; Titus 2:3-5; 1 Peter 3:1, 5-6). So the notion of wives being submissive to their husbands is not an isolated teaching. It is also probably instructive to note that not one of these passages qualifies this command with words to the effect of “... unless her husband is not being the spiritual leader he should be.” For this reason I would not encourage a woman to assume spiritual leadership in her husband’s stead. 

We cannot force anyone to do what God instructs them to do. We can only try to do what God tells us to do. I’ve counseled many Christian couples who are struggling. Often the men say things like, “I’ve tried to make her submit to me, like the Bible says she should,” while the wives complain, “I’ve told him over and over to love me the way Christ loves the church, but he refuses to obey.” The problem with both is that they are focused on the command God gave to their spouse rather than the command he gives to them. A man cannot force his wife to submit, for being forced or threatened into submission is not voluntary submission; it is coercion. A wife cannot nag her husband into loving her, for nagging never makes a man wish to comply. We cannot force anyone to do what they ought to do; we can only control our own actions, trying to be obedient to what God tells us to do. Fortunately, when we focus on our own marital responsibilities, it makes it more conducive for our spouse to obey God. When a man loves his wife sacrificially, it is easier for his wife to submit to him, and when a woman submits to her husband, it is easier for her husband to love her as he should. But ultimately, we are not responsible for what our spouse does, only what we do.

My advice is that this woman should not try to usurp the spiritual leadership of her husband, but to quietly continue in her own obedience to God. She should not preach at or nag her husband, but if the topic arises naturally in everyday conversation, gently let him know she misses his spiritual companionship and leadership. She should pray for him, asking God to convict him and turn his heart to the Lord. 1 Peter 3:1-2 says, “Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.”

Now, if the husband makes demands upon the wife that would ask her to be disobedient to God (such as not reading her Bible or attending church), she may need to make the difficult choice of whether it is better to obey God or her man (see Acts 5:29).

March 07 2015 3 responses Vote Up Share Report

Mini Sandra Lee
I would like to comment from personal experience as a submissive wife. Thomas (not his real name) and I have been married 46 years. I am a very strong woman in every way and I have not always been submissive. Coming from a dysfunctional family, I learned to have faith and depend on God for my very survival as well as my sanity. 

I married Thomas thinking he would be a great husband, father, and spiritual leader of our home because his father was a minister and he grew up in church, but being the spiritual leader of our home fell on me by default. By that I mean it became my duty to: always be the initiator of prayer, attend church, join fellowship groups, and create a spiritual family hour at home for us and our children. This puzzling phenomenon as to why my husband never took spiritual leadership frustrated me for years, because he was quite adamant about ruling the roost otherwise. Believe me, we butted heads.

Finally, after many years of arguments and bad feelings towards my husband I turned to God and soon realized after studying the Word, I had been negligent in my own duty as a wife by not being submissive. I even told God I didn't want to be submissive because my husband was "crazy". Still, my way wasn't working, so I tried God's way. I can only say now that I wished I had been obedient earlier because God showed me that my submission was never to my husband, but to him.

Miraculously things changed and got better even though my husband remained the same vain, stubborn, foolishly proud man that he was because God showed me how to continue living with and loving him despite his faults. Things got much easier for me because I was, and still am, learning to trust and rest in God. Things didn't always go my way, but they stopped entirely going my husband's way. They went God's way for the betterment of of us both.

Sadly, a few years ago my husband was diagnosed with Alzheimers. I'm glad God prepared me earlier for being the spiritual leader of our home, because it prepared my head as well as my heart to take on full leadership of our home. My husband is now submissive to me, knowing that I love God as well as him dearly.

April 02 2016 2 responses Vote Up Share Report

Add your Answer

All answers are REVIEWED and MODERATED.
Please ensure your answer MEETS all our guidelines.

What makes a good answer? ▼

A good answer provides new insight and perspective. Here are guidelines to help facilitate a meaningful learning experience for everyone.

  1. Adhere to the eBible Statement of Faith.
  2. Your answer should be complete and stand-alone.
  3. Include supporting arguments, and scripture references if possible. Seek to answer the "why".
  4. Adhere to a proper tone and spirit of love and understanding.
  5. For more info see The Complete Guide to eBible
  1. 4000 characters remaining