What if my wife is connecting spiritually with a married man in the church?

My wife spends time with a married man in my church one day out of the week to babysit, but they are alone before and after he leaves. She talks about this time with excitement, how they both "get words" for each other, and have "talks." Is this normal or biblical?

1 Corinthians 6:9 - 11

ESV - 9 Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality. 10 Nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.

Clarify Share Report Asked March 14 2024 Mini Anonymous

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B8c746f3 63c7 43eb 9665 ef7fba8e191b Kelli Trujillo Supporter Minister, Mother, Grandmother, Teacher, Musician
I would be very concerned about this. Sharing on this intimate level with another person (getting "words" for each other and talking about spiritual things) needs to have firm boundaries, and this is opening the door to sin. 

If you were all together, or if this was happening at church, that would be a different story, but even then I would be concerned if these talks and sharing "words" for each other only happens between the two of them and they leave you out.

Paul gave instructions regarding women and their households in a couple of different places that I can think of right off the top of my head:

1) Pr. 14:1: "A wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands." 

She should be building YOU up with words of encouragement, not this man. In my opinion, this is a recipe for tearing your household apart.

2) Titus 2:3-5: "Similarly, teach the older women to live in a way that honors God. They must not slander others or be heavy drinkers. Instead, they should teach others what is good. These older women must train the younger women to love their husbands and their children, to live wisely and be pure, to work in their homes, to do good, and to be submissive to their husbands. Then they will not bring shame on the word of God." 

I don't believe this is saying that a woman can't work outside the home, but it underscores the importance of a woman taking care of all that is in her home, especially her husband and children. Interestingly, the words used in verse 4 in the original Greek for "love their husbands" and "love their children" aren't used anywhere else in the New Testament, and they describe a very unique love that ONLY a mother can express to her children, and ONLY a wife can express to her husband.

She needs to be pouring this unique kind of love on you. Her choice to linger longer than she should at this man's house isn't being wise as Titus states, and it borders on not living with purity. It's getting too close to that line that shouldn't be crossed, and she should stop immediately. 

Can she quit the babysitting job? If not, I recommend talking to her about setting some very clear boundaries regarding their interactions. Let her know that this is potentially dangerous, hurtful to you, and opens the door for sin.

Perhaps she's missing out on having talks like this with YOU. Make an effort to set aside designated times for you and your wife to pour into each other spiritually and build each other up.

March 21 2024 1 response Vote Up Share Report

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