Lisa Ell Bible College graduate - BTH (Pastoral Ministry, Xtian Ed.)

This is a really good question. One I feel I can answer quite well as I have suffered off and on with bipolar II for many years.

I have struggled with the "why me's" for many years as well. My illness started after a myriad of traumatic events in my life. About 3 years later I accepted Christ and believed I would be "cured". Unfortunately, that didn't happen. Over 25 years ago, there seemed to be many in the church who believed it was not possible to be a Christian and have a mental illness. This crushed me in many ways and I questioned myself constantly. I went for Christian counseling, attended Bible College, meeting a teacher who struggled with depression. This came upon him when he was a Pastor. He took medication and was healing, but the healing didn't come to me. I was a strong Christian who lived and breathed God since I first accepted Christ into my heart.

Finally with medication, I had about 8 better years, no more cycles but life was pretty "flat". All of a sudden, (or so it seemed), I fell back into a depression that lasted a month or two less than I had experienced for that 8 years straight several years prior. I got out for 2 years, then I was back in for 2 years. It was horrible and I wanted to die.

I did EVERYTHING to get myself back out again, desperately wanting to live a normal life. I had been taking medication the whole time, tried a couple of different treatment options, back to counseling etc. 

Still again, after feeling great for a couple of years, I got sucked back into depression after taking a trip to another country and suffering really bad jet lag which seemed to trigger my medical condition. It took close to 4 months to recover.

I am well now, but I have to continue to do my best to keep it that way by constantly researching to learn more and more about my illness, going for counseling to repair the trauma from my past, and becoming stronger and more resilient to various events that may occur in my life. 

I've learned to stay away from things and people who trigger the illness, It took me a long time to learn what my triggers are and what to do to help overcome them.

In short, I've concluded that it is an illness, like any other. I did NOT do anything to bring this on myself. It is NOT a lack of faith/trust/belief in my Creator, as I have a close, personal relationship with the Lord.

None of us knows what the future holds, but I rest in knowing I have done (and will continue to do) everything I can to keep myself well. That's all any of us can do. All the prayers I have made and others have made for me have not taken this illness away. All the medication I have taken has not reversed it.

The question could be, why don't I have cancer like many other people in the world? I may not have cancer, but I have a different illness. God heals in His timing, and sometimes not at all. Only He has the answers as to why, so I trust Him in His infinite wisdom and love.

January 12 2024 • 2 responses • Vote Up • Share • Report