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Maria, because you asked this question, I assume you love your husband and want him to love you. That is the perfect start and I emphasize start because the outcome you want is the same one God wants. The Bible says "Husbands, Love your wives as Christ loves the church." It also says, "women, submit to your husbands". So you have a part in the process. Eve was created from Adam to be a helpmate to him. I believe part of submitting to him is to support him. Encourage him. Brag on him from time to time. Love him. And pray for him! If you really want him to love you, love him. So, when you pray for him, pray that God bless him. And mean it. Don't pray that God change him, earnestly pray that God bless him. If God chooses to change him in the process, great, but your attitude should be to trust God and with all your heart desire for God to bless him. Love him as he is, first, though. If you are earnestly praying, God will help you with this. Secondly, I suggest that you get the book "The five love languages" by Gary Chapman. It will teach you how to communicate love and to receive it. You may even find that your husband does love you but speaks a different love language that you do not understand and therefore you can't feel his love for you. He may be doing things that to him say "I love you" but to you say something very different. Even if he does not currently love you, The book will show you how to recognize his love language and then to be able to show him love in a way he will understand. There is no quicker way to a man's heart than for him to FEEL being loved. Love can change a man, but again, that should not be your goal. Your goal should be to show him your love for him and for Christ. In the process, if he is not a Christian, feeling loved can help him receive the Love of Christ and become one. If he is already a Christian, feeling being loved can help him open up to all the possibilities of being a Christian including "Loving his wife as Christ loves the Church."
You are to seek the spirit of God i.e. The Holy Spirit you made a vow to him and GOD, he made that same vow to you. God will take care of you,because he sees everything, you are to love him and let God deal with him. You maybe ordained to bring him into the kingdom by showing him what Christ Jesus done being an example of Christ is one of our many responsibilities. I am not saying to be abused or allow abuse,in being humble we are not to be doormats or punching bags, we are very valuable, so is your husband and he more than likely does not know the love of God that passes knowledge we Christians can't fully grasp it but we are to believe and receive and demonstrate! The best thing I can say is the golden rule the main teaching of Jesus Christ to do unto others as you would have done to you, so love him that does not mean to be oppressed or held down, it means if you would not treat him badly and expect him to be fine with it, it means you would treat him well and expect him to respond by treating you well(good) Love does not say one thing and then do another (the opposite). God is true, emphasis on true, love. If you read the Word, you know God is not a liar... I have had some personal experience with this as well and you may be going through this in order to help someone else remember it's not about just you or me, God has a bigger purpose.
By all means, I have no doctrine in the studies of understanding the female gender. I do know as a follower of Jesus Christ and a husband, God is our Father who made both man and woman. Genesis was written not as some story but a guide to understand the foundations He laid before us. Unfortunately our Lord will not be forming the prefect wife nor husband from dirt to meet our expectation of love, hope, and sacrifice. Today the unseen evil which exist is far more persuasive than what we realize. With 1000 channel televisions and the so called real life or real world isn't real at all. Proverbs 28:19 chasing fantasies, prospectively what seems to be real life events unfolding behind the lens are only lies. Money is the game and your mind is their fame, meanwhile we become warped into their schemes and left empty handed trying to live as the fantasies direct us too. Sadly, within a century the world which frowned upon divorce, premarital relations, and missing church services, now views divorce as a relief method. If we don't have relations before marriage how will the person know whether they will love that person, and most suppressing of all, attending worship service to the modernized world is now considered losing a day wages! Luke 4:1-13 the temptations Jesus experienced was the difficulties we endure as well, Jesus defeated temptation and gave us the same abilities through the power of the Holy Ghost to overcome, knowing we ourselves have no power to do so. Genesis teaches how God made a helpmate for Adam, Eve was the prefect creation our Lord knew Adam needed as well Eve needing Adam. Did God make a mistake? Did Adam express joy, happiness, relief from God's gift or did he express dissatisfaction, depression, or anger from this blessing? Before their fall from Grace Adam and Eve was the plan God designed before the world. What is important to understand, God has not faltered nor changed anything He spoke into existence, we changed and ruined God's prefect creation by disobedience. What God has joined together, let no man separate, Mark 10: 5-9. Do not harden your hearts but realize our wisdom has faltered, not our Heavenly Fathers. God has made everyone, as well everyone has an Adam and an Eve which our Lord has created, if you trust God to lead you, He will not fail guiding you into a loving marriage. If a person has come to realize Our Fathers gives perfect gifts to His children, then leave your journey to find the soulmate in the Fathers hand. God is love, patient, and slow to anger, please view marriage as a wiliness to sacrifice out of agape love, do not become jealous, impure, nor believe you've made a mistake, take your marriage to our Lord, open your heart to trust Him. Abraham and Sarah were without child, God healed Sarah from within, Jesus healed many during His sacrifice to give us life. God's power has no limits to what He can do. To hope for the perfect person is to know we are not perfect, prepare yourself by understanding who you are, recognize everyone has been raised differently, this will be the conflict each married couple face, finally remember that satan deceived Adam & Eve who separated themselves from the Father. We must take the responsibility of our own actions it takes two people to argue.
Many times people are not able to express their love because they have unforgiveness anger and fear inside that they not willing to let go of, because of what happened to them... As the others said, you can show your husband the way out of his darkness by shining your love at him, lighting the way to loving God and you. I know it is hard to do this; I've been where you are, and I have met many older couples who had this same problem.... and it is usually the husband who is not demonstrating his love to his wife.... but he would tell me how he finally " woke up" and realized what a good wife he had.... she loved him into love. The Bible says that nothing is greater than Love..... it is the best tool you have to combat this stronghold the devil has over your husband... it can melt the heart of the coldest man.... keep your eyes on Jesus, and don't love your husband to get love back from him; do it to get Love back from Jesus; do it for the Lord, and you will find Peace in it, and you will not feel lacking, or disrespected, or rejected. Be God's best freind first, and then your husband's, and unless you married a stone wall, you will see God renew your marriage with the loving man you married. To help you to understand yourself and your husband more, I have recommended a book I found over 30 yrs ago called " crazy time" I found it as I studied divorce in college. It is one of the best books on relationship I have ever read. It's just about how people react to people and the whys of it. It was written by a professional marriage counsellor, and her insite is wonderful. Though it is a secular book, it is for everyone. It really helps put things in perspective. It was written for those dealing with separations and divorce, but if people read this before they got to that point, they could very possibly never get there.... another great read is the Song of Solomon. Read this to your husband, and have him read this to you.... it will break through that wall.... God Bless you always
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