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Do I have to confess my adultery to my spouse?



    
    

Clarify Share Report Asked July 01 2013 Mini Anonymous (via GotQuestions)

Community answers are sorted based on votes. The higher the vote, the further up an answer is.

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Shea S. Michael Houdmann Supporter Got Questions Ministries
Whether or not to confess the sin of adultery to one's spouse is a dilemma for many Christians who have had the unfortunate experience of the sin of adultery. Worldly "experts" usually encourage ad...

July 01 2013 9 responses Remove Vote Share Report


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Mini Glenn Harrell Bi-vocational Minister, writer
No. One does not HAVE to confess adultery to one's spouse.
Yes. One is well advised to confess.

Remember when President Jimmy Carter confessed his visual adultery to the world? He was acknowledging that the precursor to a physical adultery is the visual. 
His confession reminds me that:
1- I doubt there is a man alive who hasn't "lusted" after a woman. Men do this before and during marriage and it is not always to the extent that he acts upon his lust. 

2- I doubt that there is a woman alive who is not flattered to some extent when men notice them and even stare. (It depends on who is doing the looking) Some women go to insecure extremes to see to it that men will both look and lust; if not fall.

3- The advertising media well captures a man's propensity to appreciate and desire the female body. It seems that there is no shortage of women who will sell themselves and men who will buy.

Neither 1,2 nor 3 justify the sin and destruction of adultery.
Jesus said, "You know the commandment which says, "Be faithful in marriage." "But I tell you that if you look at another woman and want her, you are already unfaithful in your thoughts." (Matthew 5:27-28)

If a man will not confess the truth about his looking at women other than his wife, (not that she is fooled in believing he doesn't) then he will be more inclined to try and hide an historical event of having acted upon his lust to a level of physical adultery.

Confession is normal, but a man or woman who habitually hides or tries to cover their wrong will not normally confess.
Hiding and cover-up is a childish tactic. It didn't work then and it won't work now. Not to confess is to assure the disintegration of a relationship.

Someone who steals will live in constant fear of being caught. They are always looking over their shoulder and covering their tracks. How can this person truly live life in peace?

The fear of the imagined punishment causes many to go deeper into the world of shame and guilt. Soon thereafter, physical symptoms follow and do not go away with any known therapy apart from truth and integrity. "I did it. I'm caught. I hurt you, I am sorry. I need help." I will get help and recover no matter the outcome. I will do the right thing by my spouse regardless of their response--stay or go. 

Again, the confessor must do the right thing by revealing their wrong. He or she must do this regardless of the preconceived outcome of that confession. No, it will not be easy like the broad path assisting entrance to folly. So look to God's Word for help and encouragement. Read the entire (Psalm 32:1-11)

To break ones marriage vow and sleep with another cannot be covered but it can be recovered from. When one confesses and owns their wrong, sin loses its power and grace walks through the door that once was shut tight for fear. However:
---No recovery can be experienced within secrecy and hiding. 
---No recovery is without scars of hurt and mistrust.
---No recovery is without a deeper knowledge of one's own character, or lack thereof.
---No recovery is possible without first confessing to God and righting this relationship. (Psalm 51:1-11)
---Future trust will be earned through open and full honesty in all matters over extended time.
---Counseling for both with a licensed therapist is a must. Underlining causes and personal flaws must be enlightened. 
---Relocation is sometimes necessary and represents the willingness of an individual to re establish trust--Trust of their own self and that of their partner. (Matthew 5:29-30) These verses reveal the level of intensity of which a man or woman will go to avoid future wrong.

Confession is not just good for the soul; it is the prerequisite to living at peace with God, one's self and others. (I John 1:5-10)
Confession teaches us the need for forgiveness both as receptor and giver. 

Remember Jesus model prayer? "Forgive us for doing wrong, as we forgive others. Keep us from being tempted and protect us from evil." (Matthew 6:1

January 03 2014 6 responses Vote Up Share Report


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Photo0276 001 Brenda Mabaso
Well, I strongly support Mr S. Michael Houdmann.

Nine years ago I had a serious problem with my husband as he had a gambling problem, having no time for me and the children. He could not give me attention at all, he hardly told me how much he loved me, and he did not give me money because he used to spend it all at the casino.

I was tempted and fell into a trap of adultery since I needed somebody to love and value me. I thought may be my man was ignoring me because I was valueless. The guy which I fell inlove with was very caring, although he would ask for sexual intercourse at times, but I would refuse him. There was an element of fearing God in me. I remember when I used to attend a church service, I would lift my hands up singing worship songs to the Almighty, satan would just whisper in my ear telling me to bring my dirty hands down because I am committing adultery.
This thing worried me a lot, I kept on asking God for forgiveness, but loving the guy at the same time. One day the Holy Spirit told me to confess the sin before it was too late. 

I was forced to listen to Him, I first confessed the sin to my pastor and he asked one question, he said, "Mrs Mabaso, do what the bible say. Does the bible say we commit adultery or does it say do not commit adultery?" I was speechless because I knew the truth about the commandment. I went back to the guy and told him it was over, I then confessed my sin to my husband after a week. He was very disappointed and could not believe what I was telling him. But I explained to him that he was the one who was pushing me away because I was robbed of love and care, even financially. I told him that if he was able to give me these, I would not have fallen for the guy.

After I confessed to my husband I felt like there was a huge stone which was offloaded from my back. I was free as a bird. Confession helped me a lot, I love the Holy Spirit who prompted in my ear about confessing my sin before it was too late. I became so very close to God and prayed that my husband would love me and gamble no more. I always spent time with God by praying and fasting. He answered my prayers, and my husband loves me to this day as I continue to be submissive to him.

January 03 2014 2 responses Vote Up Share Report


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Img00001 20130606 2157 olayinka OBADIMU
Adultery is a sin. After confessing to God and begging for forgiveness one should also take the boldness with humility to confess to his or her spouse since they are now one right from the day of their wedding. Warning he or she not fall into such again.

October 28 2013 0 responses Vote Up Share Report


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Stringio Adegoke Melodi
Confessing your sin is a requirement for forgiveness. God requires it. We have an accuser, Satan, who will readily accuse us before God until we make things right before God. Besides, Satan is a blackmailer. Covering this sin to your cheated spouse has a more grievous eternal consequence than your spouse's disappointment. It may help if you confess to your wronged spouse in company of a trusted and experienced pastor or elder. I believe that when you do right, pleasing God, God will help you to overcome the consequences of your error. Tha case of king David's adultery is an example.

October 28 2013 0 responses Vote Up Share Report


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Cute sam Samuel Kamau Accountant & African Travel Consultant
Well, its the right thing to confess to your spouse but it is easier said than done you will all agree with me. May God forgive our sinfulness and bring us to everlasting life through Christ our Lord. Amen!

October 28 2013 0 responses Vote Up Share Report


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Data Oluwatoyin Ajibose Wife, mother, grandmother, minister of the Gospel
Every act of unfaithfulness including adultery is sin and it must be confessed to the party against whom it is committed. It is called RESTITUTION. Luke 19:8. I believe that every hidden sin will be a stopper to the occupying of ones MANSION at the end of age. John 14: 2-3. May God give us the grace and confidence to humbly right every wrong as soon as it is committed in Jesus' Name

January 03 2014 0 responses Vote Up Share Report


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1381679275094 steven pollard Oilfield Executive
I believe to truly be in love means being honest. If a sin is committed, then you must confess and ask for forgiveness. Otherwise you are being dishonest with yourself and your mate.

October 27 2013 0 responses Vote Up Share Report


1
Mini Someone Someone
I committed adultery and confessed to my spouse the same day.

I feel that because myself and the other betrayer admitted our wrongs and sought forgiveness before God, each other and my spouse swiftly, our relationships with God and each other are now restored. 

This does not mean we are without consequence, but I do believe they are lessened (in comparison to what they would have been if we had hid the truth) due to our prompt actions and honesty and in considering each other in our purpose and conversations.

Because we are one in marriage, this act affects the faithful partner whether they know what occurred or not. They have a right to this information because of the married relationship they have with you and we as christians need to act with integrity and honesty even in the face of sin.

I believe had I not promptly come forward, each of our relationships with God and each other would have been negatively affected. 

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose (Romans 8:28 KJV).

I believe that God is using our sin to teach us many things as long as we continue to seek him in all things.

Matthew 6:33 King James Version (KJV)
33 But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.

It is important to our health and relationships with God and each other to come forward (in love) in the truth if we are to have deep and meaningful relationships. Bt this does not mean we need to share this information with everyone. Unless it helps them or ourselves, sharing this information can cause more harm than good. It is the relationships the adultery affects that need to know.

If however, you are in an abusive relationship seek professional advice before admitting to an affair.

January 05 2014 0 responses Vote Up Share Report


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581720 10200948752215917 1608409011 n Kimberly Lambright
Yes, I believe you need to confess your adultery to your spouse for complete healing for yourself and your marriage. Truth is light and we are to be light in this world. To have full restoration, we need to speak the truth no matter how hard it is to do so. After the truth comes out one has the ability to begin restoring broken relationships. If one tries to hide adultery from a spouse, it is easier for that person to fall back into adultery. Your spouse could become your best accountability partner but one needs to speak the truth and have a clear conscience. I believe and know that truth is the only way to handle this serious issue.

August 21 2016 0 responses Vote Up Share Report


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