Mark Townsend

Support worker

Background.
I’m 43 years old, a father of 2, originally from Coventry
My Childhood was a difficult and painful experience, largely due to being repeatedly rejected & dragged through the care system; I spent my later teenage years traveling around the UK primarily living off my earning as a professional shoplifter.
By my late teens I was driven by a lust for women, Cannabis and pleasure, My lifestyle meant that I spent quite a bit of time in a number of police cells across the country and spells of homelessness sleeping on the streets. 

In my 20’s I came to be in Leamington spa after a short spell in prison and I quickly found myself a father to be with a girl I hardly knew.
In the following 18 years my life can be summed up as an unfaithful husband, father of 2 who got most his pleasure from smoking cannabis & playing games on the Internet.
 
I was solid Atheist who thought that people who believed in God were weak disillusioned people who were afraid of living and of dying, and thought they were people who left their brain at the door every Sunday as they entered church to pray, sing and listen to some meaningless words that told them how they should waist their lives living by a long list of rules. 

Interest in Christian faith?
I guess the 1st thing to say is that I was not seeking God, I was not looking for a religion, I was quite certain there was no God to seek and so any kind of religion was a waste of time.
To my mind it would be a total waste of time to look for somebody you knew didn’t exist. 

Until that is, about 5-6 years ago, when quite unexpectedly… God came looking for me. 

The best way I can describe how that happened is that it was as if  somebody was holding a mirror up to me and showing me who I was,… not just in the things I had done throughout my life but who I really was inside, I became aware that somebody knew me fully and completely.

In my attempts to logically explain something I didn’t understand, my logical explanation to myself was far from logical and reasonable, …and so I embarked on a 2 year struggle with denial and doubt.

I became terrified and confused as I tried to figure out who it was that seemed to be pursuing me in every place and at every hour, as if somebody with extensive influence was able to direct events around me and was somehow making me aware of who I was and that they knew all about me.. I tried to run & hide from the growing sense of shame and guilt but I found that there was no place to hide and nowhere to run that I was not aware of this spotlight highlighting my life filled with shameful actions and thoughts.

Eventually after a real struggle to avoid the growing suggestion I had growing in the back of my mind, I came to the thought that maybe, Just maybe there might be a God and he was  angry with me,  also around this time it seemed like in every place I went I was followed by a single word that kept jumping out at me “Believe” …and just the very sight of this word and its growing suggestion to me, filled me with utter dread and fear. 

After a struggle to ignore and supress this growing thought I finally, for the first time in my life, spoke to God and simply asked 
“Are you their? Is it you who is hounding me?” 

And to my extreme shock I was aware of a response, “I AM” 

It was at this point that the word “Believe” was replaced by a new word “HOPE”
Everywhere I went this word seemed to leap out at me and catch my attention 

This resulted in my getting & reading a Bible (for the 1st time in my life) and as I did suddenly everything became clear, like a light being turned on, It brought the jumbled pieces of my last 2 years into focus, it like a mirror made sense of my life and of the world around me, it was like the words were alive and this book was speaking to my heart and mind in a very personal way, as if God were speaking directly to me, highlighting my sin and rebellion.
As I read about Jesus all my terror and confusion was replaced by an abundance of Love & Joy, as I saw that in him I could have complete forgiveness for all me sins, and I could enjoy a restored relationship with our Creator God. 

Nobody convinced me by fancy talk or persuasion; I have absolutely no doubt that my new found faith was all by the grace of God, He had taken the initiative to open my eyes to that with I had all my life been blind to, and despite the life I had lived steeped in sin, rejection and denial of his presence, He had shown me what an utter fool I was and at the same time revealed the extent of Love and Forgiveness he was offering me in the person of  his son the Lord Jesus Christ.



What difference has faith in Christ made to my life?
In the last 4 years since I first trusted in Jesus, My life has been transformed, I could hardly be more different to the Man I used to be. 
I want to know Christ more and more & to share his love with others, my greatest desire is for others to experience the depth of Love there is to be found through our Lord Jesus Christ.

As I study the bible I see more and more clearly how much Gods love is revealed to us through Jesus and I have learnt more fully how God speaks to us through his word.

I now see that Christians are not weak and disillusioned as I once thought, instead I can see that actually it’s quite the opposite, living in this world as a Christian is hard, and it takes real conviction and courage, In a world where everyone seems to be heading in one direction it is actually quite difficult to turn around and head in the opposite direction & it can at times be quite costly…  “But It’s worth it”  …because being a Christian is not a matter of  blindly believing in an Invisible God,
It is about enjoying a very real and meaningful relationship… If you want to know who God is, all you need do is look at his reflection that is perfectly revealed in Jesus Christ. 

Through Jesus you can have a real and tangible relationship with God, He is always faithful and loving, & without fail he always has your best interests in his heart, and I can tell you within a sincere heart that his Love is truly overwhelming. 

Many people wrongly think that to be a Christian you have to live according to a long list of rules, but in fact the reality is much more simple, Being a Christian is as simple as 3 words,
SORRY – THANK YOU – PLEASE. 
It’s simply a matter of speaking to God in your own heart & Mind and saying …
SORRY For my sin and rebellion
THANK YOU that you sent Jesus to die on a cross taking upon himself my Sin, facing your wrath & judgment in my place.
PLEASE forgive me and send your holy spirit to help me to change into the person you meant me to be.