Tim Maas Retired Quality Assurance Specialist with the U.S. Army

Jesus warned His disciples to count the cost before deciding to follow Him, and that anyone who was not willing to renounce all that he had could not be His disciple (Luke 14:28-33). He also plainly told them that being His disciple, and remaining faithful to Him, would inevitably result in opposition, even from immediate family members (Matthew 10:21-22).

At the same time, He also said that anyone who did not love Him more than they loved any person on earth (no matter how close to them that person might be) could not be His disciple (Matthew 10:37-38). And He promised that everyone who displays such devotion to Him would receive more than they had given up, both in this life, and in the life to come -- if not in material benefit or prosperity, then in spiritual rewards and blessings that would never be taken away, and that would be eternal (Luke 18:29-30).

In the case in question, it would appear to me that resolution of this matter would be solely between the two people involved and with God. As God says in the Bible, He hates divorce (Malachi 2:16). If the husband and the wife are willing to forgive and work out their differences to their mutual satisfaction (and especially, I would say, if young children are involved), it is only the attitudes and intentions of the husband and wife that would matter in this situation.

In such a case (in my opinion, without first-hand or detailed knowledge of the situation), even if reconciliation would result in estrangement from one's own family members, the maintenance of the marriage (in the absence of violence or unrepentant adultery/betrayal by either partner) should always be the overriding objective of a Christian. Any estrangement resulting from the reaction of other family members would be a daily cross that Jesus would call on the believer to bear for His sake, and that would be a sign of the believer's discipleship (Luke 9:23).

(I note that this question was originally asked over two years ago, and had not received an answer to this point. I hope that, in the intervening time, a satisfactory resolution has been achieved by the parties involved.)

November 23 2016 • 0 responses • Vote Up • Share • Report

Steve Schneider Deacon in The Lord's Church

Tim, very good answer. I would add that for this lady to leave her husband on the advice of her family would be a sin since she has forgiven and chosen to stay. However, there are acceptable reasons for a spouse to leave the relationship. 

When you married, you left your mother and father and were joined to your husband, by God. According to Him you are no longer under your parents. Mat_19:5 states, For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and the two shall become one flesh? 
Mar_10:7, Luk_10:11 say the same thing. 

Family is very important and being cut off is probably one of the most lonely and isolating situations to be in. But you know what, being cut off from God, for eternity, will be without a doubt will be far worse. 

Your family separated themselves from you because you didn't do what "they" think is right. You haven't done anything wrong. If you forgave your husband 70 x 7 times, it is your decision. For whatever reason your parents feel they are doing the right thing. 

God has set the rules for marriage. Man and woman are married according to God's plan. God joins a couple and in God's eye, according to what you said above "I have forgiven him and want to work past this...", God sees you two as still being married. If you were to leave your husband for non scriptural reason then you are sinning. See, https://ebible.com/questions/9062-when-a-divorced-person-asks-for-forgiveness-is-s-he-simply-forgiven-or-does-s-he-have-to-make-amends#answer-16401, for a more in depth discussion about marriage. 

Wanting to work on your marriage is a rarity these days. Most people think that divorce is an option and it is, but only in one situation. 

If the reason for your issues is adultery you need to pray especially hard about the situation. The Lord allows a person to remarry for two reasons: adultery and death of spouse. I believe that adultery is just like a death. 

Based upon what Jesus taught in Matthew 6:14-15, a refusal to forgive someone, no matter what the offense is, causes me to put my soul in jeopardy. There are other passages that teach the necessity of forgiveness as well. However, if you have chosen to forgive and stay with your husband (this example is for adultery) you are obligated to try and work things out, but, if your spouse continues in adultery you are free to leave. 

You can forgive your spouse and still leave the relationship, this is scriptural. This means that God has dissolved your marriage. "Man" cannot dissolve a marriage and you are free to remarry. However, your husband would not be free to remarry. 

If a spouse desires to leave for reasons other than adultery the Bible says that it can be done only for special reasons such as found in 1Co_7:5, Defraud ye not one the other, except it be by consent for a season, that ye may give yourselves unto prayer, and may be together again, that Satan tempt you not because of your lack of self-control. 

I hope this helps.

March 26 2017 • 0 responses • Vote Up • Share • Report