Jack Gutknecht Supporter Arizona Bible College graduate and Dallas Seminary graduate

Good question. First of all, I want to acknowledge that you are in a difficult and complex situation. It is clear that you desire to repent and live in obedience to God, and that is a beautiful and important step. True repentance is not just about feeling sorry for our past actions but also about turning away from sin and toward God’s ways (Acts 3:19 -- "Therefore repent and turn back so that your sins may be wiped out,"). Here’s some biblical guidance to help you navigate this situation:

Confessing your sins to God (1 John 1:9 -- actually we should do this daily: "But if we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous, forgiving us our sins and cleansing us from all unrighteousness.") – Be honest with God about your past actions and ask for His forgiveness.

Turning away from sin (Proverbs 28:13 -- "Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy.") – This means making deliberate choices that align with God’s will.

Seeking God’s strength (Philippians 4:13) Paul said, "I can do all things through him [Christ] who strengthens me."– You cannot do this alone, but through Christ, you can have the strength to change.

Stopping the Sin (Fornication)

Since you are not married, continuing to have a sexual relationship is against God’s design (Hebrews 13:4, a favorite verse of mine as a pastor, "Honor marriage, and guard the sacredness of sexual intimacy between wife and husband. God draws a firm line against casual and illicit sex."). You already attempted to set a boundary, but your partner continued to pressure you. Here’s what you can do:

Set firm boundaries – Be clear that you want to obey God and will not engage in sexual activity until marriage.

Pray for strength – Ask God to help you resist temptation (1 Corinthians 10:13). "There hath no temptation taken YOU but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer YOU to be tempted above that YE are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that YE may be able to bear it."

Avoid compromising situations – If you are living together, this makes it harder. You may need to consider living separately until marriage.

Should you stay with this man?

Your partner’s actions—ignoring your request to stop sexual activity and tempting you—are concerning. The Bible warns against being unequally yoked (2 Corinthians 6:14 "Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? And what communion hath light with darkness? "). Even though he is the father of your children, you need to ask:

Does he truly respect your desire to follow God?
Is he committed to marrying you and creating a godly household?
Is he leading you toward Christ or away from Him?

If he is almost divorced, that means he is still legally married, which complicates things. The Bible speaks strongly against adultery (Luke 16:18 --Jesus said, "Everyone who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery, and he who marries a woman divorced from her husband commits adultery."). Are you divorced yourself? Until he is fully divorced, pursuing marriage is not yet an option. 

If he refuses to honor your decision to live in purity, you may need to consider separating. Your children need a godly example more than just having both parents under the same roof.

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